Psychologists have been mulling over the human brain for eons. Only recently they have been studying how people make decisions. They have concluded that some people see life as black-and-white and others see shades of gray.
Yeah, I know…. Duh. But a recent Wall Street Journal article, Why So Many People Can’t Make Decisions, offers some useful tips to those who are going through a divorce (whether litigation or collaborative law) and those professionals who are assisting them.
Shades of gray people have more trouble in relationships. They can’t seem to make decisions and when they do, they regret them. It’s easy to see that troubled relationships may end in divorce, but the key concept here is the difficulty in making decisions during the divorce negotiations. Having to make decisions on how to divide the family wealth and debt is sure to make anybody stop and think carefully before committing.
Black-and-white thinkers tend to focus on what is important to them. If your spouse is one of these, pay attention to what is important to him or her. Focus on those things to find a way to reach a compromise in your divorce. Shades-of-gray people are overwhelmed with too many choices. If your spouse is one of these, try to pare down the number of options for dividing property or sharing time with the kids.
You can avoid making the big divorce decisions altogether by choosing the litigation route and tossing the decision to a judge. Or you can maintain control of your divorce by choosing the collaborative law process. In the latter, you get to make quick or slow decisions. You can pare down your choices or expand them. Collaborative law divorce is a process than can be molded to fit black-and-white thinkers and shades-of-gray thinkers, even if they are husband and wife.
Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson have used the collaborative law process to end their marriage. Cameron is writer and director of movies like Singles, Jerry Maguire and Almost Famous. Nancy is a singer and songwriter from the rock band Heart.
This couple is demonstrating unusually mature and intelligent behavior for what the public has learned to expect from entertainment celebrities. This is role model behavior here.
Given the length of their marriage, their separate and combined careers, their separate and community property and their children, this collaborative case must have been complex. They kept it private while working to a collaborative resolution over a number of months.
For what little there is to read on this divorce, go to http://tiny.cc/zoof0 and http://normatrusch.com/blog/.
In Handling a Boss Who Micromanages, Wall Street Journal columnist, Sue Shellenbarger, addressed a reader question about a micromanaging boss in the throws of a bitter divorce. Whether you are in College Station or Boston, this is a problem that occurs frequently when a fellow employee is duking out a divorce. By the looks of it, I doubt if this boss chose the collaborative law route for her divorce.
Litigated divorces take a lot of time and energy. The divorcing parties have no control over the requirements and time involved. This can drive a person to seek excessive control at work. That, in turn, can cause coworker anxiety, distraction and wasted time. The experts quoted in this column recommend the reader hunt down the boss, stand in front of the boss’ office door at 7:30 am and meet with the human resources manager and the CEO. This may be effective, but it sure does eat away at constructive work time.
If you are considering a divorce, for the sake of your own job as well as that of your coworkers, learn about collaborative law. It is a divorce method that lets you be in control of the process, the time demands and the pace. For more information, visit the Collaborative Law Institute of Texas website.