By agreements, I am talking about things ranging from promises to give him/her the landscape painting to promises for support payments for “all” his/her living expenses.

If you have any pre-attorney agreements with your spouse, check with your attorney in your first meeting. Be clear about the agreements and what you think both you and your spouse said at the time. Be clear about your current intentions.

• How will this be handled in my divorce case?
• I didn’t agree to this, I just kept my mouth shut and now he/she is forcing this on me.
• He/she promised to pay alimony for life. Can I really get that?
• Can he/she really get credit for giving me something now that he/she already gave me as a gift years ago?
• Is this agreement wiped out because we now have attorneys involved?
• Can I make him/her honor this agreement now that we have started the legal part of this divorce?

In collaborative divorce cases there is a method to talk nicely about these expectations. I have been involved in these discussions dozens of times. It is best to get this resolved up front. Don’t hide from these issues. If you want to keep your costs down and get out as quickly as you can, be assertive about clearing the air on these old agreements.

I would like to hear about any broken agreements that you have experienced in divorce.

I read in the news that Americans are saving more and spending less. Not divorcing Americans. Don’t these people want to retire some day?

Hello, readers!  If you are facing divorce and are not a billionaire, then you are going to need to cut back on your spending. I’m sure you feel you deserve to keep your current lifestyle. Odds are that your current lifestyle wasn’t sustainable anyway.

I’m talking about people with incomes ranging from modest to a million dollars a year.

Are you socking away 10% of your income? If not then review your spending. Look for ways you can cut back. Examine your spending habits and then cut back.

Stop getting manicures and pedicures. Do them yourself. The more you do them, the better you get at it. Invite girlfriends over and make it a party.

Are you overpaying for insurance? My husband and I had our insurance reviewed last month and saved $500 a year.

Look at your summer clothes. Did you wear them all? Take the ones you didn’t wear to a consignment shop.

In College Station and Houston, stalled retirement plans are common in the list of divorce financial concerns. Your spouse is trying to get all the IRAs. Your spouse won’t share the pension. Even if you could get your spouse to listen to you and agree to share, half the nest egg might not be enough for your retirement.

You can use an retirement shortfall calculator to project when you will be able to retire. (You can also find these calculator links on my blog under Website Links.)

Tips for using the calculator:

• Before you start popping numbers in the boxes, first read the “Definitions”. They really do matter.
• Rates of return – choosing the number for this box is like using a crystal ball. I recommend that you fill in all the other boxes first and then work on this one. First put in 2% and see the result. Then put in 4% and see how the result changes. Take it up to 8%. It looks better there, doesn’t it? Actually getting your estimated rate of return in real life is a whole different matter.
• Federal tax rate – this is your “marginal” tax rate, the rate of tax on your highest taxed dollar. Calculate that with a Marginal Tax Rate Calculator.
• Number of years in retirement – assume you will live 10 years longer than the age of your longest living parent or grandparent or age 95.
• Expected inflation rate – use 3.0% or use the default of 3.1%.

Warning:  Many people avoid thinking about retirement. Don’t do that. We see lots of articles about inadequate retirement savings in many households. Divorce can make this situation worse. Reverse that trend by educating yourself now.

In collaborative divorces in College Station and Houston, we look at post divorce cash needs to help us see options for splitting investments, property, etc. Wives are fine with listing their expenses. They want to show their husbands that their needs are authentic and accurate. These husbands are glad to see that I am going to show their wives – in black and white – that they can’t keep up the spending level.

You guys don’t feel you need to do a budget. You know how much you make. Your personal spending needs are modest. She’s the one who has been spending all the money. She needs the budgeting, not you.

Bingo. There’s the mistake. You need to let her see your living expenses. They may be modest, but they are not as modest as you think. In my experience, people consistently and reliably underestimate their expenses by at least 50%, many times 100%.

I worked with a couple a few years ago. The husband wanted me to work with his wife on her expenses. He told his attorney we didn’t need to look at his expenses. He said he made enough money that he was going to be just fine. He said he had modest expenses. We got well into the collaborative divorce process when he started to put his own numbers on a spreadsheet. He stayed awake that night thinking that he was offering a settlement he couldn’t afford.

The next morning, I showed him that he wasn’t worried enough. He was underestimating his living expenses. The divorce went on pause while I nailed down his true expenses. He backed off his settlement offer. You can imagine how well that went over with his wife and her attorney.  After all, he had been saying for months that his expenses were modest. His mistake and the aftermath of it slowed down that divorce by about three months.

Guys, you need to show your living expenses early in the collaborative divorce process. You need to show, in black and white, that you are not an endlessly deep pocket. Listing accurate living expense is time consuming and boring. If you don’t want to do it yourself, let your financial neutral do it. Be accurate. Be honest. Don’t guess.

His column reminded me of the shrinkage I see in my business. Bank accounts shrink. Patience shrinks. Lifestyles shrink. What surprises me is the frequently unrealistic optimism of people in divorce.

Sure, everyone is hurt and angry and scared. But they are strangely optimistic (or blind) about their financial future. They really don’t grasp how much their financial security will shrink when they create two households from one.

Nobody likes to cut back on their lifestyle. Not even the wealthy. It’s hard to do. I have come to the conclusion that we humans have great difficulty accurately imagining negative change. We can talk about it. We can rationalize the change. But we can’t seem to feel it until it hits us between the eyes.

So, how does this relate to divorce financial planning? I recommend that if you are considering divorce, you financially pretend you already are there. First you have to figure out your post divorce cash flow. Then you have to actually live on less income for a while. Try it out for a month. Eat out less. Don’t buy those shoes. Shop for store brand items. Clip coupons. Live the shrinkage. It will make your divorce just a little bit easier to handle. You will be better prepared for financial reality.

Recently, Wall Street Journal Getting Going columnist, Karen Blumenthal, wrote an informative column, How to Wreck Your Credit Score. Karen notes, “The severe consequences underscore that you shouldn’t shrug off even an accidentally missed [mortgage] payment… Being 30 days late on a house payment – even if it is an accident – can knock 100 points off a pristine 780 credit score, moving you from qualifying for the very best interest rates to the edge of subprime territory.”

So, how bad can that be? She explains that if you have a 620 score, you would pay almost 12% on a four-year $25,000 care loan. If you have a 780 score, you would pay 5% on that same loan. The difference is almost $4,000 over the four-year loan. I’m sure you can think of something better to do with $4,000.

Where would you rather spend $4,000?

#1 If your bank and credit card statements include expenses for people who won’t be in your household next year, such as soon-to-be-ex-spouses, you need to avoid listing those expenses. Either estimate the costs that are only yours or tag the ones you know are not yours and cross them off.

#2 How do you estimate only yours when the costs on the statements are for both of you? Example:  Look at your monthly grocery costs. Think about who eats at home the most. If there are just two of you, allocate more than 50% of the grocery bill to that person. If there are more than two of you, estimate what percentage each person consumes. Subtract out the amount that is for the person who will not be in your future household. Do this for all expenses.

#3 If you think you are going to live in a different place after your divorce, use new information for certain household expenses. Use your current housing expenses as a springboard to your estimated future expenses. Example: Your cable internet bill may not change, but your yard care costs could.

#4 If you know you are going to move but you don’t know where yet, do some research and, aackk!, guess a little.  Find homes or apartments that look like a possible option for you. Ask the landlord for the annual utility costs. Find people who live in similar places and ask them about their annual lawn care costs.

I have created a good spreadsheet for budgeting. If you want a copy, send me an email with the words “Budget Spreadsheet” in the subject line. I’ll send you one – free.

Here are some tips to correctly figure out your cash flow needs whether during or after your divorce or even if you are not getting a divorce.

#1 Create a list of 12 months of expenses. You can get the number for monthly expenses by dividing that by 12. Always start with a whole year to capture everything.

#2  Your list needs to include expenses that repeat every month, items that repeat only a few times a year, items that occur only once a year and  items that occur only once every few years.

#3  Get copies an entire year’s worth of all your bank statements and credit cards. Use every item to add up your expenses in various categories.  This is a long and tedious task. But it results in the most accurate information.

#4  If tip #3 made you shout “No Way!” then take the dangerous short cut and use 3 months of statements. But know your risks. You will multiply your monthly expenses by 4 to get a full year. Watch out for those twice a year expenses that fall into those 3 months you chose. Don’t multiply them by 4. I had a client who did that and her budget ended up way, way too high.

#5  If you use less than 12 months of data, comb through your statements and find the expenses that did not fall into those 3 months you chose. Add those missing costs in.

#6  Remember to budget an amount for monthly savings. Stuff breaks, stuff falls apart. You will need that savings to avoid charging car repairs on your credit cards.

I have created a good spreadsheet for this exercise. If you want a copy, send me an email with the words “Budget Spreadsheet” in the subject line. I’ll send you one – free.

One of the tricky steps is to remember to add lines for those expenses that do not occur every month. The cost of gifts is one that people frequently underestimate. To get it right, make a list of the friends and relatives you give gifts to each year. Birthday. Holiday.  And then start listing the not-so-regular gifts such as graduations, weddings, hostess gifts, dinner party gifts, etc. Remember the cost of cards, gift bags, wrapping paper and bows.

Other occasional costs are tires, auto insurance, vehicle registration, insurances, holiday decorations, holiday groceries. And the list goes on.

I have a lot of collaborative law divorce clients. These people are working together to have a private divorce that they control. During the divorce, they are commonly both using the household checking account for their living expenses.

If you have chosen a collaborative divorce and/or are able to communicate with each other, you can both keep using the joint checking account until you are divorced. Many of my clients go this route. They both have had access to the bank account activity. They choose a date just prior to the anticipated date of divorce. On that day, they print online account statements and “freeze” the balances for the purpose of division. The attorneys and other advisors hand over their final invoices prior to that date. Those invoices are paid from the joint account before the account balance is divided. This eliminates the need for the couple to reimburse each other for spill over divorce expenses.