Recently, Wall Street Journal Getting Going columnist, Karen Blumenthal, wrote an informative column, How to Wreck Your Credit Score. Karen notes, “The severe consequences underscore that you shouldn’t shrug off even an accidentally missed [mortgage] payment… Being 30 days late on a house payment – even if it is an accident – can knock 100 points off a pristine 780 credit score, moving you from qualifying for the very best interest rates to the edge of subprime territory.”

So, how bad can that be? She explains that if you have a 620 score, you would pay almost 12% on a four-year $25,000 care loan. If you have a 780 score, you would pay 5% on that same loan. The difference is almost $4,000 over the four-year loan. I’m sure you can think of something better to do with $4,000.

Where would you rather spend $4,000?

There are strong financial reasons to choose the collaborative law process for your divorce. But, when put in perspective, your children are more important than those financial reasons.

I recently came across an Esquire magazine article by Chris Jones entitled The Things That Carried Him. http://www.esquire.com/print-this/things-that-carried-him.This feature story is about thirty-year-old Sergeant Joey Montgomery’s final trip home from Iraq. It is impossible not to be drawn into the journey and not to be touched by the sadness and pride that everyone in his small town felt for this hero.

Somewhere in the middle of the story, Chris Jones describes the recent history of how soldiers’ bodies are now brought home from war. They are treated with deep respect and caring by the men and women who participate in the journey. These men and women never knew these heroes.

Where does this intersect with divorce?

Chris tells one story of a military pilot who “flew a boy to Stockton, California, where the soldier’s parents, divorced, were fighting over the funeral arrangements, and neither showed up”.

I’ve advised on a lot of divorces. In the beginning of both the traditional litigated cases and in the collaborative law cases, the parents are wrapped up in their hurt and anger toward each other. As the cases go on, the litigated divorce parents continue to focus on themselves but the collaborative divorce parents begin to heal and move their attention back to a balanced life that embraces their children. Collaborative couples learn to stop being centered on each other with animosity and start effectively communicating.

This young man from Stockton had parents who never seemed to have looked up from themselves and their animosity towards each other. I guess they never learned to communicate effectively. Perhaps the collaborative law process had not yet arrived in their community. It is there now.

You never know what will happen to your children. If you are looking at a divorce, please choose the collaborative law process so that you won’t remain so self absorbed that you choose to fight with your ex-spouse rather than honor your hero child. Don’t choose to abandon your beloved child’s coffin on the tarmac.