Tag Archives: Collaborative Divorce

Use Mutual Interests to Save Money in Divorce

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canstockphoto2553614nest egg

Understanding your mutual interests will help you and your spouse to negotiate a satisfactory divorce settlement. Traditional litigation does not foster mutual interests. Collaborative law divorces use mutual interests to get couples to quick, lower cost resolution. Savvy couples seek out the Brazos County collaborative law professionals. The lower cost of collaborative divorces means longer financial security for each spouse.

When couples head into divorce, rarely do they chat about their mutual interests. They usually lawyer-up and entrench in their respective positions. Then the long, slow process begins. Attorneys write letters back and forth. In Brazos County, they use snail mail.  One begins to wonder if the attorneys are purposely dragging these divorces out as long as they can.

I’ve seen hundreds of divorces in Houston, Bryan, College Station and Austin. I have observed that in the litigation divorce style, the couple cannot see that they have mutual interests. In the collaborative law divorces, the couples use their mutual interests to get to a faster, lower cost settlement.

The collaborative divorce couples got themselves into a better process because they knew what to ask each attorney they interviewed. Each spouse asked attorneys whether they are collaboratively trained. Those attorneys who do both litigated and collaborative divorces have a wider range of tools to help their clients.

Collaboratively trained attorneys also understand that when couples work together in the collaborative process to reach a settlement based on their mutual interests, the case goes faster and their clients reach better settlements. All this means lower cost to the couple. That translates to financial security.

If you are concerned about dropping a lot of money on a divorce, work towards a collaborative settlement that is based on mutual interests. For help in effectively defining and achieving your mutual interests or in finding the best collaborative attorneys for you, contact me at stewart@texasdivorcecpa.com.

The Secret of Finding the Best Divorce Attorney in Brazos County

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The best divorce attorney is the one who best fits you and your divorce issues. Don’t think this would be your friend’s divorce attorney. Nor the attorney with the biggest caseload. Nor the biggest law firm.  The optimal attorney for you will be the one who has experience with your issues, communicates well and shares your priorities.

No one has exactly your divorce. It only takes one small condition to make your situation significantly different that of someone else’s divorce. You need to find the attorney with experience in your particular issues. If you own rental real estate, you need an attorney with experience in negotiating effective settlements involving rental units. If you are not sure how to proceed with your case, you need an attorney who can offer you choices – one who is great in the courtroom, an effective negotiator and is trained in collaborative law.

Communicating well means communicating easily with you. Are you comfortable with emails? Would you like an attorney who prefers phone calls? What are your needs for speedy replies from your attorney? I had a client who resorted to sending her local attorney a certified letter just to get his attention.

Know what is important to you. Do you want to save money? Then I recommend you seek an attorney whose style includes welcoming your do-it-yourself assistance. Do you want to have a cordial co-parenting relationship with your ex? Then I recommend you seek an attorney with collaborative law training. What are your priorities?

If you are looking for the right divorce attorney in Brazos County, send me an email to stewart@TexasDivorceCPA.com. Let’s take a few minutes to talk about your situation, needs and priorities. I can refer you to the local divorce attorney with the best fit for you.

Broken Agreements in Broken Marriages

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canstockphoto11855421 Broken Promise

Sometimes my College Station divorce clients come to the collaborative case with pre-existing spousal agreements. I am the neutral financial CPA on these cases. That means I am not an attorney and I don’t know the ins and outs of what attorneys do. But I have heard attorneys imply that these agreements don’t survive the entrance to a legal case. (Perhaps those were said by the attorney for the spouse who doesn’t like the agreement.)

By agreements, I am talking about things ranging from promises to give him/her the landscape painting to promises for support payments for “all” his/her living expenses.

If you have any pre-attorney agreements with your spouse, check with your attorney in your first meeting. Be clear about the agreements and what you think both you and your spouse said at the time. Be clear about your current intentions.

  • How will this be handled in my divorce case?
  • I didn’t agree to this, I just kept my mouth shut and now he/she is forcing this on me.
  • He/she promised to pay alimony for life. Can I really get that?
  • Can he/she really get credit for giving me something now that he/she already gave me as a gift years ago?
  • Is this agreement wiped out because we now have attorneys involved?
  • Can I make him/her honor this agreement now that we have started the legal part of this divorce?

In collaborative divorce cases there is a method to talk nicely about these expectations. I have been involved in these discussions dozens of times. It is best to get this resolved up front. Don’t hide from these issues. If you want to keep your costs down and get out as quickly as you can, be assertive about clearing the air on these old agreements.

I would like to hear about any broken agreements that you have experienced in divorce.

Details in Divorce Are Critical

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Is Guam a foreign country? Getting the wrong answer could have cost Steve his father-son relationship.

Steve and Marci have two very young boys. In the middle of their collaborative divorce in College Station, Texas, Steve and Marci needed to agree on who would have primary custody if they lived in different locations.

They came into the meeting prepared. They had agreed that Marci had the boys if she lived in Canada or the U. S. If she moves anywhere else, the boys stayed with Steve. With her company folding, Marci had already announced that she would take a job “anywhere in the world”.

Steve is intending to follow Marci and his boys to nearly anywhere in the U.S. or Canada, but not anywhere in the world.

I asked them if they wanted to define the United States. They thought that an odd question. Did they want to stick with the continental U.S. and exclude Hawaii and Alaska? They decided to include Alaska and ditch Hawaii.

Knowing Steve wanted to keep his sons on this continent, I asked him how he felt about Guam. He looked surprised and Marci said, “I could live there!”  Neither of them knew that Guam is a territory of the U. S. But then, they grew up in Eastern Europe where American geography and government were not strong subjects.

They agreed to define the U.S. as the lower 48 states plus Alaska. Had they not tightly defined the U.S., they could have ended up with Marci moving their sons to Guam or another U.S. territory.

I can hear the judge now, “Guam is part of the United States. You should have thought of that before you agreed to this.”

 

Divorcing? Will you be able to retire?

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Four in ten Americans are at risk for not being able to maintain their lifestyle in retirement. Are one of them?

If you are contemplating anything other than a collaborative divorce, you won’t find the answer in that process. In fact, you will have more chance of being one of those four people after your divorce.

In the collaborative divorce process, you get to have a neutral CPA on your team. For less money and more expertise, your neutral CPA will quickly and effectively do the financial work. Attorneys are not quick and effective with numbers. They also don’t give financial advice. One thing your neutral CPA can do for you is analyze your chances of being one of those four Americans.

All my collaborative clients are worried about their financial future. Divorce is scary. Divorce is an unplanned large expense.  Will you be able to retire? Will your children get to go to college? Will you be able to live like you have been?

These are all questions that your neutral collaborative divorce CPA can address.

Don’t be one of the four Americans who are looking at a reduced retirement lifestyle. Get your answers now.

 

Collaborative Divorce: Most Common Mistake Men Make

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It’s the “I don’t need to do that” guy thing. If you have been making more money than your wife, you are particularly prone to this mistake.

In collaborative divorces in College Station and Houston, we look at post divorce cash needs to help us see options for splitting investments, property, etc. Wives are fine with listing their expenses. They want to show their husbands that their needs are authentic and accurate. These husbands are glad to see that I am going to show their wives – in black and white – that they can’t keep up the spending level.

You guys don’t feel you need to do a budget. You know how much you make. Your personal spending needs are modest. She’s the one who has been spending all the money. She needs the budgeting, not you.

Bingo. There’s the mistake. You need to let her see your living expenses. They may be modest, but they are not as modest as you think. In my experience, people consistently and reliably underestimate their expenses by at least 50%, many times 100%.

I worked with a couple a few years ago. The husband wanted me to work with his wife on her expenses. He told his attorney we didn’t need to look at his expenses. He said he made enough money that he was going to be just fine. He said he had modest expenses. We got well into the collaborative divorce process when he started to put his own numbers on a spreadsheet. He stayed awake that night thinking that he was offering a settlement he couldn’t afford.

The next morning, I showed him that he wasn’t worried enough. He was underestimating his living expenses. The divorce went on pause while I nailed down his true expenses. He backed off his settlement offer. You can imagine how well that went over with his wife and her attorney.  After all, he had been saying for months that his expenses were modest. His mistake and the aftermath of it slowed down that divorce by about three months.

Guys, you need to show your living expenses early in the collaborative divorce process. You need to show, in black and white, that you are not an endlessly deep pocket. Listing accurate living expense is time consuming and boring. If you don’t want to do it yourself, let your financial neutral do it. Be accurate. Be honest. Don’t guess.

 

Divorce Distractions Cost Real Money

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Divorce is a distracting process. You have your own life to keep up. If you have children, you are spending extra time helping them deal with your divorce. If you are in a litigated divorce, you are not in control of your time. If you are in a collaborative divorce, you still have to get to meetings and gather information. If you have friends, you are spending additional time grousing with them about your divorce, your attorney, your kids and your soon-to-be-ex. With these distractions, any normal person can miss a payment.

Recently, Wall Street Journal Getting Going columnist, Karen Blumenthal, wrote an informative column, How to Wreck Your Credit Score. Karen notes, “The severe consequences underscore that you shouldn’t shrug off even an accidentally missed [mortgage] payment… Being 30 days late on a house payment – even if it is an accident – can knock 100 points off a pristine 780 credit score, moving you from qualifying for the very best interest rates to the edge of subprime territory.”

So, how bad can that be? She explains that if you have a 620 score, you would pay almost 12% on a four-year $25,000 care loan. If you have a 780 score, you would pay 5% on that same loan. The difference is almost $4,000 over the four-year loan. I’m sure you can think of something better to do with $4,000.

Where would you rather spend $4,000?

 

How to Stop Dithering in Divorce

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Psychologists have been mulling over the human brain for eons. Only recently they have been studying how people make decisions. They have concluded that some people see life as black-and-white and others see shades of gray.

Yeah, I know…. Duh.  But a recent Wall Street Journal article, Why So Many People Can’t Make Decisions, offers some useful tips to those who are going through a divorce (whether litigation or collaborative law) and those professionals who are assisting them.

Shades of gray people have more trouble in relationships. They can’t seem to make decisions and when they do, they regret them. It’s easy to see that troubled relationships may end in divorce, but the key concept here is the difficulty in making decisions during the divorce negotiations. Having to make decisions on how to divide the family wealth and debt is sure to make anybody stop and think carefully before committing.

Black-and-white thinkers tend to focus on what is important to them. If your spouse is one of these, pay attention to what is important to him or her. Focus on those things to find a way to reach a compromise in your divorce.  Shades-of-gray people are overwhelmed with too many choices. If your spouse is one of these, try to pare down the number of options for dividing property or sharing time with the kids.

You can avoid making the big divorce decisions altogether by choosing the litigation route and tossing the decision to a judge. Or you can maintain control of your divorce by choosing the collaborative law process. In the latter, you get to make quick or slow decisions. You can pare down your choices or expand them. Collaborative law divorce is a process than can be molded to fit black-and-white thinkers and shades-of-gray thinkers, even if they are husband and wife.

Celebrity Collaborative Law Divorce

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Cameron Crowe and Nancy Wilson have used the collaborative law process to end their marriage. Cameron is writer and director of movies like Singles, Jerry Maguire and Almost Famous. Nancy is a singer and songwriter from the rock band Heart.

This couple is demonstrating unusually mature and intelligent behavior for what the public has learned to expect from entertainment celebrities. This is role model behavior here.

Given the length of their marriage, their separate and combined careers, their separate and community property and their children, this collaborative case must have been complex.  They kept it private while working to a collaborative resolution over a number of months.

For what little there is to read on this divorce, go to http://tiny.cc/zoof0 and http://normatrusch.com/blog/.