I read in the news that Americans are saving more and spending less. Not divorcing Americans. Don’t these people want to retire some day?

Hello, readers!  If you are facing divorce and are not a billionaire, then you are going to need to cut back on your spending. I’m sure you feel you deserve to keep your current lifestyle. Odds are that your current lifestyle wasn’t sustainable anyway.

I’m talking about people with incomes ranging from modest to a million dollars a year.

Are you socking away 10% of your income? If not then review your spending. Look for ways you can cut back. Examine your spending habits and then cut back.

Stop getting manicures and pedicures. Do them yourself. The more you do them, the better you get at it. Invite girlfriends over and make it a party.

Are you overpaying for insurance? My husband and I had our insurance reviewed last month and saved $500 a year.

Look at your summer clothes. Did you wear them all? Take the ones you didn’t wear to a consignment shop.

In collaborative divorces in College Station and Houston, we look at post divorce cash needs to help us see options for splitting investments, property, etc. Wives are fine with listing their expenses. They want to show their husbands that their needs are authentic and accurate. These husbands are glad to see that I am going to show their wives – in black and white – that they can’t keep up the spending level.

You guys don’t feel you need to do a budget. You know how much you make. Your personal spending needs are modest. She’s the one who has been spending all the money. She needs the budgeting, not you.

Bingo. There’s the mistake. You need to let her see your living expenses. They may be modest, but they are not as modest as you think. In my experience, people consistently and reliably underestimate their expenses by at least 50%, many times 100%.

I worked with a couple a few years ago. The husband wanted me to work with his wife on her expenses. He told his attorney we didn’t need to look at his expenses. He said he made enough money that he was going to be just fine. He said he had modest expenses. We got well into the collaborative divorce process when he started to put his own numbers on a spreadsheet. He stayed awake that night thinking that he was offering a settlement he couldn’t afford.

The next morning, I showed him that he wasn’t worried enough. He was underestimating his living expenses. The divorce went on pause while I nailed down his true expenses. He backed off his settlement offer. You can imagine how well that went over with his wife and her attorney.  After all, he had been saying for months that his expenses were modest. His mistake and the aftermath of it slowed down that divorce by about three months.

Guys, you need to show your living expenses early in the collaborative divorce process. You need to show, in black and white, that you are not an endlessly deep pocket. Listing accurate living expense is time consuming and boring. If you don’t want to do it yourself, let your financial neutral do it. Be accurate. Be honest. Don’t guess.

His column reminded me of the shrinkage I see in my business. Bank accounts shrink. Patience shrinks. Lifestyles shrink. What surprises me is the frequently unrealistic optimism of people in divorce.

Sure, everyone is hurt and angry and scared. But they are strangely optimistic (or blind) about their financial future. They really don’t grasp how much their financial security will shrink when they create two households from one.

Nobody likes to cut back on their lifestyle. Not even the wealthy. It’s hard to do. I have come to the conclusion that we humans have great difficulty accurately imagining negative change. We can talk about it. We can rationalize the change. But we can’t seem to feel it until it hits us between the eyes.

So, how does this relate to divorce financial planning? I recommend that if you are considering divorce, you financially pretend you already are there. First you have to figure out your post divorce cash flow. Then you have to actually live on less income for a while. Try it out for a month. Eat out less. Don’t buy those shoes. Shop for store brand items. Clip coupons. Live the shrinkage. It will make your divorce just a little bit easier to handle. You will be better prepared for financial reality.

Recently, Wall Street Journal Getting Going columnist, Karen Blumenthal, wrote an informative column, How to Wreck Your Credit Score. Karen notes, “The severe consequences underscore that you shouldn’t shrug off even an accidentally missed [mortgage] payment… Being 30 days late on a house payment – even if it is an accident – can knock 100 points off a pristine 780 credit score, moving you from qualifying for the very best interest rates to the edge of subprime territory.”

So, how bad can that be? She explains that if you have a 620 score, you would pay almost 12% on a four-year $25,000 care loan. If you have a 780 score, you would pay 5% on that same loan. The difference is almost $4,000 over the four-year loan. I’m sure you can think of something better to do with $4,000.

Where would you rather spend $4,000?

#1 If your bank and credit card statements include expenses for people who won’t be in your household next year, such as soon-to-be-ex-spouses, you need to avoid listing those expenses. Either estimate the costs that are only yours or tag the ones you know are not yours and cross them off.

#2 How do you estimate only yours when the costs on the statements are for both of you? Example:  Look at your monthly grocery costs. Think about who eats at home the most. If there are just two of you, allocate more than 50% of the grocery bill to that person. If there are more than two of you, estimate what percentage each person consumes. Subtract out the amount that is for the person who will not be in your future household. Do this for all expenses.

#3 If you think you are going to live in a different place after your divorce, use new information for certain household expenses. Use your current housing expenses as a springboard to your estimated future expenses. Example: Your cable internet bill may not change, but your yard care costs could.

#4 If you know you are going to move but you don’t know where yet, do some research and, aackk!, guess a little.  Find homes or apartments that look like a possible option for you. Ask the landlord for the annual utility costs. Find people who live in similar places and ask them about their annual lawn care costs.

I have created a good spreadsheet for budgeting. If you want a copy, send me an email with the words “Budget Spreadsheet” in the subject line. I’ll send you one – free.

Here are some tips to correctly figure out your cash flow needs whether during or after your divorce or even if you are not getting a divorce.

#1 Create a list of 12 months of expenses. You can get the number for monthly expenses by dividing that by 12. Always start with a whole year to capture everything.

#2  Your list needs to include expenses that repeat every month, items that repeat only a few times a year, items that occur only once a year and  items that occur only once every few years.

#3  Get copies an entire year’s worth of all your bank statements and credit cards. Use every item to add up your expenses in various categories.  This is a long and tedious task. But it results in the most accurate information.

#4  If tip #3 made you shout “No Way!” then take the dangerous short cut and use 3 months of statements. But know your risks. You will multiply your monthly expenses by 4 to get a full year. Watch out for those twice a year expenses that fall into those 3 months you chose. Don’t multiply them by 4. I had a client who did that and her budget ended up way, way too high.

#5  If you use less than 12 months of data, comb through your statements and find the expenses that did not fall into those 3 months you chose. Add those missing costs in.

#6  Remember to budget an amount for monthly savings. Stuff breaks, stuff falls apart. You will need that savings to avoid charging car repairs on your credit cards.

I have created a good spreadsheet for this exercise. If you want a copy, send me an email with the words “Budget Spreadsheet” in the subject line. I’ll send you one – free.

I have worked with hundreds of people in Houston and College Station. Most of them want to estimate their expenses. All of them underestimate the number. And, even at that, all of them have been shocked at the amount of money they spend – in their estimates. The truth is that they spend much more than they estimate. I’d say they spend about 30% to 70% more than they estimate.

The problem with estimating too low is that you will wake up one day – maybe 7 months after the divorce – and wonder why you can’t afford to pay off your credit cards each month or sock away some savings.

To get a real picture of your spending you need to haul out 12 months of credit card and bank statements. Enter each and every credit card charge and check and debit and ATM transaction in Quicken or QuickBooks. Don’t double count your credit card charges by entering credit card payments shown on your bank statements after entering the credit card charges.

Tedious? You bet. Accurate? Totally.

It is not unusual for me to see a couple who has been spending nearly 150% of their after-tax income. Where are they getting the funds to keep this up? They have high credit card debts on several credit cards. They have second mortgages. They have no emergency fund or savings of any size. They have neglected to save for retirement.

Of course, they can’t keep this going forever. And perhaps the realization of this fact is one of the catalysts for their spilt-up. As expected, one spouse says the other is the spender. But when I examine their spending history, it is apparent that both are very much involved in the shopping. The interesting point is that they each feel their spending is valid and necessary but perceive their spouse’s spending to be over the top. Further discussion usually reveals that these spouses were not communicating with each other about their spending and their financial goals.

Some people might think the overspending is the primary cause of the divorce. I wonder if perhaps it goes deeper than that. Perhaps their difference in values and their inability to fully communicate are more the reasons for the divorce and the financial situation is just the last straw.

Financial issues is one of the top two reasons couples divorce. (The other is lack of communication.) Differences in spending habits is one of the most common types of incompatible financial attitudes. And money is very difficult for many couples to talk about. So there is the double whammy of financial issues and lack of communication.

I have seen a lot of marriages tipped to divorce because of money and debt. Those couples who have chosen to divorce in the traditional litigated pattern have fared the worst. The costs of those divorces were substantially greater than the collaborative divorces of similar circumstances.

When it comes to divorcing a spendthrift spouse, the best divorce method is the collaborative law process. In this process, as the financial professional, I am usually asked to educate the spendthrift spouse about cash flow and budgeting. The couple gives me their bank statements and credit card statements for a period of time no less than three months. I pull together an accurate, detailed picture of their expenses. They are always surprised. Everyone thinks they spend less than they actually do. The spendthrift spouse and I work together to create a cash flow plan that works in their unique living situation. The spouse chooses where to cut back on spending. This is the crucial buy-in that assures the new budget commitment. It also reduces the chances that this spouse will boomerang back to the other spouse in future years to ask for more money.

Budgeting is one of the foundations of financial literacy. The AICPA (American Institute of Certified Public Accountants) and the TSCPA (Texas Society of CPAs) have been providing educational tools on financial literacy for years. You can read more about these at http://tiny.cc/sk2zz

I have seen each method work depending upon the spouses’ relationship and personalities. I have also seen each method cause problems. Sometimes one spouse wants to maintain control of the money and the spending. This is prevalent when that spouse has historically played this role. However, doing this may evolve into the situation where the non-money spouse treats the source of funds as a deep pocket without limits. Again, results depend upon personalities and communication.